I'll be honest with you: I've messed up discipleship more times than I care to admit. For years, I thought I had it figured out. I had my systems, my curriculum, my neat little programs. But looking back, I realize I was making some fundamental mistakes that were actually hindering the very growth I was trying to foster.
What's been encouraging me lately is watching how some of the younger men in our ministry and in churches across the country are approaching discipleship differently. They're not making the same mistakes I made, and frankly, they're teaching this old pastor a thing or two.
Mistake #1: Treating Discipleship Like a Classroom
For too long, I confused teaching with discipleship. I thought if I could just download enough information into someone's head, they'd grow spiritually. I'd gather men around tables with workbooks and think, "This is discipleship."
But Jesus didn't run a seminary. He walked with twelve guys through real life. He showed them how to pray by praying. He demonstrated ministry by doing ministry alongside them.
The young men I'm watching now get this. They're not just meeting in coffee shops with study guides: though that has its place. They're inviting each other into their actual lives. I've seen them text each other during tempting moments, show up at each other's jobs during lunch breaks, and practice difficult conversations before important meetings.
One young man in our church told me recently, "Pastor Jody, I learned more about faith watching my mentor handle his toddler's meltdown at the grocery store than I did in six months of Bible studies." That hit me hard because I realized how much of my own discipleship had been theoretical rather than practical.
Mistake #2: Making Discipleship a Program Instead of a Lifestyle
This one stings because I built my whole ministry around programs for years. Twelve-week courses, step-by-step guides, graduation ceremonies: you name it. The problem is, discipleship isn't something you complete. It's something you live.
Jesus didn't have a curriculum. He had a way of life that He invited others into. When the disciples asked Him to teach them to pray, He didn't hand them a prayer manual. He prayed, and they learned by observing and participating.
The younger generation of Christian men seems to understand this intuitively. They're approaching discipleship as an ongoing relationship rather than a program to finish. I've watched them maintain discipleship relationships for years, not months. They don't "graduate" from needing mentorship: they just become mentors while still being mentored by others.
Mistake #3: Confusing Knowledge with Transformation
I used to think that if someone could quote Scripture and answer theological questions correctly, they were mature disciples. I was wrong. Some of the most biblically knowledgeable people I know struggle with basic Christian living: myself included.
James 1:22 reminds us to "be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." Yet for years, I was creating hearers who thought they were doers simply because they could articulate biblical truths.
The young men fixing this mistake understand that discipleship must involve both head and hands. They're not just studying what Jesus said: they're practicing what He did. They're serving together, evangelizing together, and wrestling with how to apply biblical principles in their actual circumstances.
Mistake #4: Trying to Do It All Yourself
This mistake almost burned me out completely. I thought discipleship meant I had to be everything to everyone I was mentoring. I tried to be their counselor, their accountability partner, their Bible teacher, and their friend all at once.
But Jesus modeled something different. He had His twelve, but He also connected them with others. He sent them out in pairs. He introduced them to people like Mary and Martha, Nicodemus, and others who could contribute to their spiritual formation.
The younger guys I'm observing are building networks of discipleship rather than one-on-one intensive relationships exclusively. They understand that iron sharpens iron, and sometimes that means connecting the people you're discipling with others who can speak into their lives in ways you can't.
Mistake #5: Focusing on Addition Instead of Multiplication
Here's where I really missed the mark for years. I was so focused on how many people I could personally disciple that I forgot the ultimate goal: raising up disciples who make disciples.
Jesus invested deeply in twelve men, and those twelve changed the world. He wasn't trying to personally reach everyone: He was multiplying His impact through others.
The young men who are getting this right aren't just focused on their own discipleship relationships. They're actively encouraging and equipping the men they disciple to disciple others. They understand that true success in discipleship isn't measured by how many people you personally mentor, but by how many generations of disciples result from your investment.
Mistake #6: Being Possessive About "Your" Disciples
I hate admitting this, but there were times when I felt threatened if someone I was discipling received input from another mature believer. I had developed an unhealthy sense of ownership over "my guys."
This possessiveness actually limited their growth. No single person: not even the best mentor: can provide everything someone needs for spiritual maturity. We all have blind spots, weaknesses, and areas where others are better equipped to help.
The younger mentors I'm watching celebrate when their disciples receive wisdom from multiple sources. They actively encourage the men they're mentoring to seek counsel from other godly men. They understand that discipleship is a community effort, not a private enterprise.
Mistake #7: Neglecting Your Own Growth
Perhaps the biggest mistake I made was thinking I had arrived spiritually and no longer needed active discipleship myself. I was so busy pouring into others that I stopped actively seeking input and growth in my own life.
But Proverbs 27:17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." That sharpening goes both directions, and it never stops being necessary.
The young Christian men who are excelling at discipleship understand this. They remain actively engaged in their own discipleship relationships while simultaneously mentoring others. They're humble enough to admit they don't have it all figured out, and that humility actually makes them better mentors.
What This Means for You
If you're reading this and recognizing yourself in some of these mistakes, take heart: you're not alone. I made every single one of them, and God is still using me in discipleship despite my failures.
The beautiful thing about God's grace is that He can use our mistakes to teach us better ways. The young men who are avoiding these pitfalls aren't necessarily smarter or more gifted: they're just learning from those of us who went before them.
Whether you're 25 or 65, it's never too late to adjust your approach to discipleship. Start by asking yourself: Am I living out what I'm trying to teach others? Am I creating space for real-life application, not just head knowledge? Am I building disciples who will make disciples?
Most importantly, are you still actively growing yourself? Because the moment we stop being disciples, we stop being effective disciple-makers.
As Jesus said in Matthew 28:19-20, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you."
Notice He didn't say "teach them all that I have commanded." He said teach them to observe: to practice, to live out, to embody the teachings. That's the difference between information transfer and true discipleship.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Pastor Jody