I’ll be honest with you, there was a time in my life when I thought being a man meant never showing weakness, never crying, and always being the toughest guy in the room. I bought into what our culture was selling about masculinity hook, line, and sinker. And it nearly destroyed me.
Maybe you’re wrestling with the same thing right now. Maybe you’re hearing two different voices calling out to you, one from the world around you, and another from God’s Word, and you’re not sure which one to follow. Trust me, I’ve been there. The tension is real, and it’s tearing a lot of good men apart.
The Voice of the Culture
Growing up, I absorbed the cultural definition of masculinity like a sponge. Real men don’t cry. Real men work alone. Real men prove themselves through strength and dominance. I remember thinking that if I wasn’t the alpha in every situation, I was somehow failing as a man.
The world told me that masculinity was about physical prowess, sexual conquest, and emotional detachment. I had to be the provider, the protector, the one who never showed vulnerability. Any hint of what society deemed “feminine”, like compassion, nurturing, or emotional openness, was weakness to be avoided at all cost.
I see this playing out everywhere around us. Our culture celebrates the man who dominates, who takes what he wants, who builds his identity on his job title, his bank account, or his ability to intimidate others. We’re told that authority means being authoritarian, that leadership means never admitting we’re wrong, and that strength means never asking for help.
But here’s what I discovered the hard way, this kind of masculinity is toxic. It poisoned my relationships, stunted my emotional growth, and left me feeling empty and isolated. I was trying so hard to be what the world told me a man should be that I forgot what God designed me to be.
The Voice of Scripture
Then I encountered Jesus. And everything I thought I knew about masculinity got turned upside down.
Jesus, the most masculine man who ever lived, was also gentle, humble, and compassionate. He wept openly. He showed tenderness to children. He included women in His ministry when culture said they didn’t matter. He washed feet, served others, and chose sacrifice over self-preservation.
Paul, this incredible apostle and church planter, actually described himself using feminine imagery. In 1 Thessalonians 2:7, he wrote that he was “gentle among you, as a nursing mother cherishes her own children.” Can you imagine? Paul, this former Pharisee who could have dominated any room he walked into, chose to identify with the tender care of a mother.
And when Paul commanded husbands to love their wives in Ephesians 5, he used words like cleanse, wash, nourish, and cherish, actions that in his culture were typically performed by women in domestic settings. He wasn’t afraid to embrace qualities that might seem feminine to our culture.
This is where I started to understand that biblical manhood isn’t about rejecting everything our culture associates with femininity. It’s about embracing the full image of God, both His strength and His tenderness, His authority and His servant’s heart.
The Battle in My Own Heart
I remember the first time I cried in front of my wife. I was going through a particularly difficult season in ministry, and I felt like I was failing everyone, God, my family, my congregation. The cultural voice in my head was screaming that real men don’t break down, that I needed to handle this on my own.
But something inside me, I believe it was the Holy Spirit, whispered that it was okay to be vulnerable, that strength could actually be found in admitting my weakness. So I let the tears come. And you know what happened? Instead of losing respect for me, my wife drew closer. She saw my humanity, and it deepened our intimacy in ways I never expected.
That was a turning point for me. I started to realize that the biblical model of masculinity isn’t about being invulnerable, it’s about finding your strength in God rather than in yourself.
What Biblical Manhood Actually Looks Like
Biblical manhood means being humble enough to admit when you’re wrong. It means being emotionally wise enough to recognize and process your feelings instead of stuffing them down. It means leading with sacrificial love rather than demanding submission through dominance.
Yes, men have authority: but not in an authoritarian way. God has given us unique roles and responsibilities, especially in our families and churches. But this authority is meant to be exercised the way Jesus exercised His: through service, sacrifice, and love.
I think about Joseph, who fled from Potiphar’s wife not because he was weak, but because he was strong enough to choose purity over pleasure. His question wasn’t “Will I get caught?” but “How can I sin against God?” That’s the kind of strength our world desperately needs to see from men.
Biblical masculinity is about spiritual warfare, not physical dominance. We fight with the weapons of righteousness: prayer, God’s Word, sacrificial love: not with the tactics of cultural warriors who seek to win through intimidation or aggression.
The Cost of Following the Wrong Voice
Here’s what I learned the hard way: cultural masculinity produces men who are spiritually impotent. They may look strong on the outside, but inside they’re weak, insecure, and desperately trying to prove themselves to a world that will never be satisfied.
I’ve counseled too many men who bought the cultural lie and ended up destroying their marriages, alienating their children, and living lives of quiet desperation. They followed a voice that promised strength but delivered bondage.
The cultural definition of masculinity is built on pride, and we all know where pride leads: to a fall. It teaches men to be emotionally detached from their families, to view women as objects rather than image-bearers of God, and to build their identity on things that will ultimately fail them.
Which Voice Will You Choose?
So here’s the question I had to answer, and the one you’re facing right now: Which voice are you going to follow?
Are you going to listen to a culture that tells you to suppress your emotions, dominate others, and build your worth on worldly success? Or are you going to follow Jesus, who modeled true strength through humility, true leadership through service, and true masculinity through sacrificial love?
I know it’s not easy. The cultural voice is loud, and it’s everywhere. It’s in the movies you watch, the songs you hear, and probably in the voices of some of the men around you. But that voice is leading you toward destruction.
The voice of Scripture might be quieter, but it leads to life. It calls you to be the kind of man your wife can respect, your children can look up to, and your community can trust. It calls you to find your identity not in what you can accomplish or control, but in who God says you are.
My Challenge to You
Brothers, I want to challenge you to do what I had to do: take an honest look at which voice has been shaping your understanding of masculinity. Have you been trying to prove your manhood through worldly measures, or have you been allowing God to shape you into the man He created you to be?
If you’ve been following the wrong voice, don’t despair. God’s grace is sufficient, and His strength is made perfect in weakness. I had to repent of my pride, my emotional walls, and my need to control everything around me. It was humbling, but it was also liberating.
Start by spending time with Jesus. Look at how He treated people: especially women and children. Notice His gentleness, His compassion, His willingness to serve rather than be served. Ask God to show you where cultural masculinity has taken root in your heart and to help you embrace biblical manhood instead.
The church: and the world: desperately needs men who model biblical masculinity. Men who are strong enough to be gentle, secure enough to be vulnerable, and confident enough to serve rather than demand to be served.
Which voice are you following? The choice you make will determine not just your own spiritual health, but the legacy you leave for the next generation of men. Choose wisely, brother. Choose God’s way.
If you’re struggling with these concepts or need encouragement in your journey toward biblical manhood, I’d love to connect with you. Visit us at Man Up God’s Way Ministry and let’s walk this path together.
Soli Del Gloria,
Pastor Jody