I'll be honest with you, there are days when I question everything about being the spiritual leader in my home. The culture screams at me that I'm outdated, controlling, even harmful. Social media tells me that traditional family roles are toxic. My kids' friends have different family structures. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good by trying to lead according to biblical principles.
Maybe you've felt this too. Maybe you've sat in your car after a particularly difficult family discussion, wondering if you should just step back and let someone else take the reins. Maybe you've second-guessed yourself so many times that you've practically abdicated your role as the spiritual head of your household.
I get it. I've been there. But I've learned something important in my journey as a pastor and a father: when the culture tells us not to lead, that's often when our families need our leadership most.
The Weight of the Calling
Let me tell you about a moment that changed my perspective. I was sitting at my kitchen table a few years ago, watching my family fall apart despite all my "leadership." My kids were distant. My wife was frustrated. I felt like a complete failure as a husband and father. I remember praying, "God, maybe I'm not cut out for this. Maybe I should just let someone else lead."
That's when I realized I had completely misunderstood what biblical leadership actually means.
See, I thought being the head of my household meant having all the answers. I thought it meant never showing weakness or doubt. I thought it meant making all the decisions and having everyone follow my lead without question. But Ephesians 5:25 hit me like a ton of bricks: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her."
Christ didn't lead by domination. He led by sacrifice. He served those He led, even when it cost Him everything.
What Leadership Really Looks Like
Biblical leadership in the home isn't about being a dictator or having the final say in every conversation. It's about taking responsibility for the spiritual temperature of your household. It's about being the first one to seek forgiveness when you mess up. It's about creating an environment where your family can encounter God together.
I remember the first time I had to apologize to my kids for losing my temper. My pride wanted me to justify my actions, to maintain my "authority." But I realized that true authority comes from humility, not from never admitting mistakes.
"Dad was wrong," I told them. "I let my anger control me instead of responding with love. Will you forgive me?"
That moment taught me more about leadership than any sermon I'd ever preached. My kids didn't lose respect for me, they gained it. They saw that even Dad needs Jesus, and that our family operates under grace, not perfection.
Leading Through the Opposition
The pushback against biblical family leadership is real. I've had parents question my teaching at church events. I've seen eye rolls when I talk about fathers taking spiritual initiative in their homes. The message from popular culture is clear: step aside, outdated man.
But here's what I've learned: when we abdicate our God-given responsibility to lead our families spiritually, we don't create more equality, we create more chaos. Someone has to take spiritual initiative. Someone has to be the one who says, "Hey, let's pray about this as a family." Someone has to model what it looks like to depend on God.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 doesn't give us an option: "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."
Notice it doesn't say "if you feel qualified" or "when culture approves." It says we shall teach them. It's not a suggestion, it's a command.
My Failures and What They Taught Me
I wish I could tell you I figured all this out quickly, but the truth is I've failed more times than I've succeeded. There was the time I tried to force family devotions and turned it into a legalistic chore that everyone dreaded. There was the period when I became so focused on being "the leader" that I stopped listening to my wife's wisdom. There were countless moments when my pride got in the way of genuine spiritual leadership.
Each failure taught me something valuable. Forced spirituality isn't spirituality at all, it's performance. True leadership invites participation rather than demanding it. And wisdom doesn't have to originate with me to be valuable for our family.
The most important lesson? My authority as a spiritual leader flows directly from my submission to Christ. When I try to lead from my own strength or wisdom, I become just another flawed human trying to control other flawed humans. But when I lead from a place of dependence on God, something different happens. My family sees Jesus in me, not just Jody.
Practical Steps Forward
So how do we actually do this? How do we lead our families when everything around us says we shouldn't?
First, start with yourself. You can't give what you don't have. If you want to lead your family spiritually, you need to be growing spiritually. I spend time in Scripture every morning, not because I'm a pastor (though that helps), but because I'm a dad who needs God's wisdom for the day ahead.
Second, make it about service, not control. Ask yourself: "How can I serve my family today?" Maybe it's initiating a difficult conversation your wife has been wanting to have. Maybe it's apologizing to your kids for something you did wrong. Maybe it's simply saying, "Let's pray about this together."
Third, partner with your wife. Biblical leadership doesn't mean solo leadership. Proverbs 31 makes it clear that godly wives have tremendous wisdom and capability. Your job isn't to diminish that, it's to create space for it to flourish while taking responsibility for the overall spiritual direction of your home.
Fourth, be consistent but not perfect. Your kids need to see that faith is a journey, not a destination. They need to witness your struggles and victories, your questions and your certainties. Show them what it looks like to depend on God in real time.
When Culture and Scripture Collide
Here's the reality: there will be times when following biblical principles puts you at odds with cultural expectations. There will be moments when people question your approach, when friends think you're being too traditional, when even family members push back against your spiritual leadership.
I've learned to expect this opposition rather than be surprised by it. First Peter 4:12 reminds us: "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you."
The world system will always oppose God's design for the family. That doesn't make us wrong, it makes us countercultural in the best possible way.
But here's the beautiful thing: when we lead our families according to God's design, we give them something the culture can't, stability, purpose, and a foundation that won't shift with the latest trends. We show them what it looks like to build a life on something eternal rather than temporary.
The Stakes Are Higher Than We Think
I believe one of the reasons the enemy fights so hard against biblical family leadership is because he knows what's at stake. When fathers step up and lead their families spiritually, something powerful happens. Children grow up with a clear picture of what God the Father is like. They learn to trust authority because they've experienced loving, servant-hearted authority in their homes. They develop a biblical worldview that can withstand the storms of cultural pressure.
But when fathers abdicate this role, the consequences ripple through generations. Kids grow up without spiritual direction. They become vulnerable to every wind of cultural doctrine. They struggle to understand God's love because they haven't experienced a father's sacrificial leadership.
That's too high a price to pay for cultural acceptance.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Men, I want to encourage you today. The culture may tell you to step aside, but God is calling you to step up. Not with arrogance or domination, but with humility and love. Not demanding perfection from yourself or your family, but creating an environment where grace can flourish.
Your family needs your spiritual leadership, even if they don't always appreciate it in the moment. They need someone who will take initiative in prayer, in Bible reading, in having hard conversations about faith and life. They need someone who will model what it looks like to follow Jesus, even when it's difficult.
Start where you are. Start today. Maybe it's as simple as saying, "Can we pray together before dinner?" Maybe it's asking your family, "How can we serve God together this week?" Maybe it's just being the first one to admit when you're wrong and ask for forgiveness.
The world needs families led by men who follow Jesus. Your children need to see what biblical manhood looks like in action. Your wife needs a partner who will shoulder spiritual responsibility rather than leaving it all to her.
A Personal Challenge
I want to challenge you with something I challenge myself with regularly: What would change in your home if you took your role as spiritual leader more seriously? What conversations would you initiate? What habits would you establish? What examples would you set?
Don't let the culture intimidate you into abandoning your God-given calling. Yes, it's challenging. Yes, you'll make mistakes. Yes, there will be opposition. But God has equipped you for this role, and He promises to give you wisdom when you ask for it (James 1:5).
Your family is worth the effort. Your children's future faith is worth the struggle. God's design for your home is worth defending, even when the whole world tells you it's outdated.
Man up, God's way. Your family is counting on it, and God is with you every step of the journey.
If you want to connect with other men who are committed to leading their families biblically, I encourage you to check out our Christian conferences for men where we dive deeper into these topics and support each other in this crucial calling.