Look, I'm going to be straight with you. For years, I thought being a man meant having it all together, being strong in my faith, crushing it at work, being the perfect husband and dad, leading at church, and never showing weakness.
I was wrong.
Dead wrong.
The truth hit me hard one evening when my son asked me a simple question: "Dad, why are you always so busy?" I realized I'd been so focused on looking like a biblical man that I'd forgotten what it actually meant to be one. I was failing in ways I couldn't even see, and the scary part? I'd convinced myself I was doing great.
That moment started a journey for me, a messy, uncomfortable, sometimes painful journey to figure out what biblical manhood really looks like. And what I've learned is this: manning up God's way isn't about perfection in one area. It's about faithful obedience in six key areas of life. And brother, it's a daily battle.
1. Personally: The Foundation Nobody Sees
Here's where I have to get real vulnerable with you. My personal walk with God has been inconsistent at best. There have been seasons where my quiet time was basically nonexistent. I'd pray over meals, show up to church, but my actual relationship with Jesus? It was surface-level.
The thing is, you can fake a lot of things, but you can't fake your personal relationship with God. Not really. Jesus said in John 15:5, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing."
Apart from Him, we can do nothing. Not "apart from Him, we struggle a bit." Nothing. That wrecked me when I really let it sink in.
Your personal walk, the time nobody sees, the prayers nobody hears, the Bible reading when you're too tired, that's where everything else gets built. If this foundation is cracked, everything else will eventually crumble. I've watched it happen in my own life.
The question I had to ask myself (and I'm asking you): Am I actually spending time with God, or am I just going through religious motions?
2. In Marriage: Leading Through Love, Not Authority
I used to think being the spiritual leader in my marriage meant I got to make all the decisions. That my wife should just submit and follow. Man, was I missing it.
Real biblical leadership in marriage looks a lot more like Christ washing the disciples' feet than it does a CEO running a board meeting. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her."
Gave Himself up. Not "bossed her around." Not "demanded respect." Gave. Himself. Up.
I remember one particularly rough argument where I pulled the "I'm the head of this house" card. My wife looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Jesus' kind of leadership looks different than this." She was right. I was using scripture as a weapon to get my way instead of as a mirror to show me how I was failing to love her sacrificially.
Leading in marriage means serving first. It means apologizing when you're wrong (which for me is often). It means praying with and for your wife. It means listening: really listening: even when you think you already know the answer.
3. In Fatherhood: Showing Up Imperfectly
That question my son asked: "Dad, why are you always so busy?": it still haunts me. Because the honest answer was: I was busy building a ministry, busy trying to look successful, busy doing "important" kingdom work while missing the kingdom work right in front of me.
Proverbs 22:6 tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." But here's what I missed: training isn't just teaching. It's presence. It's consistency. It's showing them what following Jesus actually looks like when you mess up.
My kids don't need a perfect dad. Thank God, because they're not getting one. But they need a present dad. They need a dad who admits when he's wrong, who prays with them not just for them, who shows them that real men cry, real men apologize, real men depend on Jesus.
Some of my best moments as a father have come after my worst moments: when I've had to sit down with my kids and say, "Dad was wrong. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" That's taught them more about grace than a hundred perfect sermons ever could.
4. At Church: Serving Without the Spotlight
I'll confess something: there have been times I served at church because I wanted people to think I was a good Christian. Not because I loved the body of Christ. Not because I wanted to serve Jesus. But because I wanted to look good.
That's a hard thing to admit.
1 Peter 5:2-3 says, "Shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for shameful gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but being examples to the flock."
Being examples. Not being impressive. Being faithful servants, even when nobody's watching or applauding.
Church leadership isn't about having a title or being on stage. It's about showing up. Serving. Encouraging. Loving people who are messy (because we're all messy). Sometimes it's setting up chairs. Sometimes it's having a hard conversation. Sometimes it's just being there consistently, week after week, year after year.
5. At Work: Excellence as Worship
This one's tricky because our culture tells us work defines us. And the Christian response sometimes swings too far the other way: like work doesn't matter at all compared to "ministry."
But Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, do your work from the soul, as for the Lord rather than for men." As for the Lord. That changes everything.
Your work matters. Not because it makes you successful or wealthy or important. But because it's part of how you worship God. Every email, every meeting, every difficult conversation with a coworker: it's all an opportunity to reflect Jesus.
I've had to learn (and I'm still learning) what it means to work with excellence without making work an idol. To lead at work without compromising my values. To be known as both competent and kind, both hardworking and grace-filled.
It's not easy. But it's where a lot of people will see Jesus: not in a church building, but in a conference room or on a job site or in a break room.
6. In Accountability and Discipline: The Missing Piece
Here's maybe the hardest truth I've learned: I cannot do this alone. I will not do this alone. I'm too weak, too prone to wander, too good at lying to myself.
Proverbs 27:17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Not "iron sharpens itself." Not "iron gets sharp by being alone." Iron sharpens iron through friction, through contact, through other men who love us enough to tell us the truth.
For years, I didn't have real accountability. I had Christian friends, sure. But nobody who really knew my struggles. Nobody who asked the hard questions. Nobody I'd given permission to call me out.
When I finally got into a real accountability relationship: where we talk about actual temptations, actual failures, actual struggles: everything started changing. Not because I suddenly became perfect, but because I stopped pretending to be.
Real accountability isn't about checking boxes. It's about letting other brothers in Christ see your darkness and love you anyway while pointing you back to Jesus. It's about confessing sin. It's about asking for prayer for that struggle you're embarrassed about. It's about getting a text that says, "How's your thought life today?" and answering honestly.
Putting It All Together
Look, I'm not writing this from a place of having arrived. I'm writing it from the trenches, from a place of daily dependence on Jesus because I keep failing in all these areas.
But here's what I'm learning: biblical manhood isn't about being strong in all six areas all the time. It's about being faithful in each one, even when you feel weak. It's about getting back up when you fall. It's about letting Jesus lead while we follow.
Every area connects to the others. Your personal walk affects your marriage. Your marriage affects your fatherhood. How you lead at church impacts how you work. And accountability helps keep it all honest and moving forward.
The beautiful part? God doesn't wait for us to get it all together before He uses us. He uses broken, imperfect, struggling men who are willing to follow Him anyway. That gives me hope on the days when I feel like I'm failing at all six.
So where are you struggling? Which of these six areas needs the most attention right now? Don't try to fix everything at once. Pick one. Start there. Get honest with God about it. Find a brother who will walk through it with you.
And remember: manning up God's way isn't about being perfect. It's about being faithful. It's about abiding in Christ and letting Him produce fruit through us. It's about getting up every day and choosing to follow Jesus in every area of life, even when we do it imperfectly.
If you need help on this journey, brother, reach out. We're in this together. Check out our resources and upcoming seminars where we dive deeper into these areas. Find a community of men who are fighting the same battles.
Because here's the truth: we need each other. And we all desperately need Jesus.
Soli Deo Gloria, Pastor Jody