I’ve spent a lot of years telling men to "Man Up." But for a long time, I think I had a warped view of what that actually meant. I used to think it meant gritting your teeth, burying your feelings under a mountain of "productive" work, and never letting anyone see the cracks in the armor. I thought that if I admitted I was struggling with my thoughts, if I admitted that some days the cloud of heaviness was so thick I could barely see the cross, then I was failing God.
I was wrong.
Over the years, through my own seasons of darkness and walking alongside hundreds of men in this ministry, I’ve realized that we often approach our mental health all wrong. We treat our minds like a machine that just needs a little more oil, rather than a garden that needs the Master Gardener’s touch.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just plain empty today, I want you to know you aren’t alone. I’ve been there. I’ve sat in the dark and wondered if God still cared. But I’ve also found that there is a way through. Let’s look at seven mistakes we often make and how we can pivot back to God’s way.
1. Treating Your Healing as a Transaction
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to "buy" my peace from God. I’d think, Okay, Lord, I’ve read my Bible for thirty minutes, I’ve prayed, and I’ve been kind to my wife. Now, take away this anxiety. I was treating God like a vending machine. I’d put in the "good works" and expect the "peace" to drop into the tray.
When the peace didn't come, I’d get angry. I’d feel cheated. But the truth is, healing isn't a transaction; it's a relationship.
The fix is shifting our focus from the gift of healing to the Giver of life. In the LSB, Psalm 34:18 says, "Yahweh is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Notice it doesn't say He fixes us from a distance because we did enough chores. It says He is near. Sometimes the mental struggle is the very thing God uses to draw us into an intimacy we never would have found otherwise.
2. Harboring the "Silent Infection" of Unforgiveness
I once held a grudge against a brother in ministry for nearly two years. I told myself I was "justified" because he really did do me wrong. But during those two years, my mental health plummeted. I was irritable, I couldn't sleep, and I felt a constant weight on my chest.
I didn't realize that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It rots your soul from the inside out. We try to fix our depression or our stress while keeping a death grip on a past hurt. It’s like trying to heal a physical wound while leaving the rusty nail inside.
Biblically, we have to release that person to God's justice. We have to "Man Up" and forgive, not because they deserve it, but because we are commanded to. When we let go, the infection starts to clear.
3. Relying Solely on the "Sunday High"
We’ve all been there. You’re at a Christian conference for men, the music is loud, the message is fire, and you feel like you could take on the world. You feel "fixed." But then Monday morning hits. The kids are screaming, the boss is breathing down your neck, and that old familiar heaviness returns.
If your mental health is built on emotional highs, it will crumble in the valleys. We make the mistake of thinking that if we don't feel God, He isn't working.
The fix? We have to ground ourselves in the Word, not our feelings. Feelings are like the weather in Missouri, they change every five minutes. The Word of God is the bedrock. I’ve had to learn to tell my soul, "Listen, I don't feel happy today, but the LSB says God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1)." We move from "feeling" to "knowing."
4. The "Lone Wolf" Mentality
This is the biggest trap for men. We think that admitting we need help makes us a "sissy" or weak. I struggled with this for years. I thought I had to be the guy with all the answers. I isolated myself, thinking I could handle my internal battles on my own.
But isolation is where the enemy does his best work. When you're alone, your thoughts become an echo chamber. You start believing the lies that you're worthless, that you're a failure, and that things will never change.
James 5:16 (LSB) tells us, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." Healing: specifically the kind of healing that touches our minds and spirits: often happens in the context of brotherhood. If you are struggling, you need to reach out. Check out our contact page or talk to a brother in your local church. Don't fight this alone.
5. Confusing Healing with Comfort
Sometimes we mistake the absence of pain for the presence of health. We want God to take away the symptoms of our mental struggle without actually doing the work to fix the root cause. Real healing is often uncomfortable. It involves digging up old traumas, admitting pride, and changing long-held habits.
I used to pray, "Lord, just make me feel better." Now I pray, "Lord, make me whole." Wholeness might mean going through a season of "holy discomfort" where God performs surgery on your heart. Don't run from the pain if the pain is leading you to the Truth. If you're looking for resources on how to grow through these tough times, take a look at our growth category.
6. The False Divide Between the Spiritual and the Physical
This is a controversial one in some circles, but we need to talk about it. As men of God, we sometimes think that every mental struggle is a demonic attack or a lack of faith. While spiritual warfare is very real, we also live in fallen bodies.
I’ve met men who were shamed for taking medication or seeing a doctor for clinical depression. That breaks my heart. If you broke your leg, you wouldn't just "pray it away": you’d get a cast. Your brain is an organ, and sometimes it gets sick.
Ignoring the physical side of mental health is a mistake. Stewardship means taking care of the whole temple: mind, body, and spirit. God can heal through a miracle, and He can also heal through the wisdom He gave to doctors. If you need clinical help, don't let pride stop you from seeking Christian help for depression. It’s not a lack of faith; it’s being a good steward of the body God gave you.
7. Using Scripture as a "Magic Wand"
We’ve all seen the "Christian" way of handling anxiety: just quote Philippians 4:6–7 and call it a day. "Be anxious for nothing!" We treat the verse like a magic spell. When the anxiety doesn't disappear instantly, we feel like failures.
But let’s look at what that verse actually says in the LSB: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
The peace is a promise, but it’s a process of casting our cares on Him. It’s not a magic wand to bypass grief or clinical conditions; it’s an anchor to hold us through them. Don't use the Bible to mask your pain; use it to process your pain.
The Path Forward
So, where do we go from here? If you recognize yourself in these mistakes, don't beat yourself up. I’ve made every single one of them: some of them this morning!
The visionary life God has for you isn't one where you never struggle; it’s one where you struggle with Him. It’s a life where you are so rooted in His grace that even when the storms of the mind rage, you know who holds the winds.
I want to encourage you to take one practical step today. Maybe it’s signing up for our daily devotionals to get your mind on the Word first thing in the morning. Maybe it’s finally admitting to a friend that you’re not okay.
Whatever it is, do it today. God isn't looking for a perfect man; He’s looking for a man who is willing to be made whole. He loves you, He sees you, and He isn't finished with you yet.
Is there unbelief in your life today? Are you doubting that God can handle the mess inside your head? Bring it to Him. He’s big enough to handle your questions, your tears, and your fears.
Man up, brothers. Not by your own strength, but by His.
Soli Deo Gloria, Pastor Jody