I’ll be honest with you, there are days when I look at my kids and I feel completely out of my depth. I’ve spent years preaching to men, leading Man Up God's Way, and studying the Word, but when it comes to the dinner table with a teenager who is staring at a screen or asking a question that hits me like a freight train, I feel small. I feel like that guy in the Gospels who cried out, "I do believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24 LSB).
If you’re a dad today, you know exactly what I’m talking about. We live in a world that is moving at a million miles an hour, and our kids, this "Gen Z" generation, are digital natives swimming in a sea of skepticism, anxiety, and confusion. It’s easy to get scared. It’s easy to retreat into being the "rule-maker" because it’s safer than being a mentor. Or worse, it’s easy to become passive and just hope the youth pastor handles it.
But brothers, God didn’t call the youth pastor to be the primary disciple-maker of your home. He called you.
The Weight and the Grace of the Calling
I used to think discipling my kids meant I had to have a 30-minute sermon ready every morning at 6:00 AM. I tried that. It failed. I was grumpy, they were tired, and it felt like a chore rather than a joy. I had to realize that I was "provoking them to anger" by my legalism rather than leading them with grace.
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 6:4 (LSB):
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
Notice the balance there. Discipline and instruction are required, but they must be delivered in a way that doesn't embitter the heart. For Gen Z, that embitterment often comes from hypocrisy. They have a "fake-dar" that is incredibly sensitive. They don't want a dad who acts like he has it all figured out; they want a dad who is honestly pursuing Jesus.
I’ve had to go to my kids and say, "Hey, I blew it yesterday. I was impatient and I didn't reflect Christ to you. Will you forgive me?" That moment of vulnerability did more for their discipleship than ten of my best "lectures" ever could. It showed them that the Gospel is for sinners: including their dad.
Understanding the Gen Z Landscape
To disciple Gen Z, we have to understand what they are up against. They aren't just dealing with the normal "growing pains" we had. They have the entire world’s opinions in their pocket 24/7. They see the "deconstruction" of faith on TikTok, they hear the skepticism in their classrooms, and they feel a level of performance-based anxiety that is crushing.
They don't need more rules. They need reasons. They need to know why we believe what we believe. When they come to you with a hard question about science, or sexuality, or why a "good God" allows suffering, don't shut them down. If you don't know the answer, say so! Then say, "Let’s find out together."
We have some great resources on our blog about tackling these hard questions, including dealing with doubt and unbelief. Use them. Show your kids that your faith isn't fragile. It can handle their questions.
Making Discipleship a Rhythm, Not a Program
One of the most life-changing passages for my parenting has been Deuteronomy 6:6–7 (LSB):
"And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. And you shall whet them on your children and shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."
Moses isn't describing a classroom setting. He’s describing a life setting.
Discipling your Gen Z son or daughter happens:
- "When you walk by the way": For us, this is the car ride to practice. Turn off the radio. Ask one heart-level question. "What was the best part of your day? Where did you see God at work, even in something small?"
- "When you lie down": I’ve found that my teens open up the most right before bed. They are tired, the guards are down, and they want to talk. Be available. Even if you’re exhausted, stay in the room for five more minutes.
- "When you rise up": Model it. Let them see you with your Bible open. You don't have to make a big deal out of it, just let them see that God's Word is your daily bread. If you need a place to start, check out our daily devotionals.
Practical Steps for the Journey
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start small. Discipleship is a marathon, not a sprint. Here are three things you can do this week:
- Ask "Why?" and "What do you think?": Instead of giving them the answer immediately, ask them to process it through a biblical lens. "What do you think God thinks about that situation?"
- Confess your own struggles: If you’re worried about work or struggling with a decision, share it (in an age-appropriate way). Let them see you pray through it.
- Use the LSB together: Pick a verse a week and put it on the fridge. Talk about it at dinner. A great one for Gen Z is Romans 12:2 (LSB): "And do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may approve what the will of God is, that which is good and pleasing and perfect." Talk about what "conforming to this age" looks like on social media versus what "renewing the mind" looks like.
A Final Word of Hope
I know it’s scary. I know you worry about their future. I do too. But remember, you are not discipling them in your own strength. You are a tool in the hands of the Holy Master.
There will be days of silence. There will be days of pushback. But keep planting the seeds. Keep showing up. Keep being the first one to repent and the first one to offer grace. Your kids don't need a perfect father; they need a father who points them to a perfect Savior.
If you’re struggling today, if you feel like you’ve failed as a dad, remember that God’s mercies are new every morning. Pick up the Word, get on your knees, and "Man Up" for your family. It is the most important mission field you will ever have.
Is there a specific struggle you're having with your kids right now? Or maybe a victory you've seen in discipling them at home? I'd love to hear about it. We’re in this together, brothers.
Soli Deo Gloria, Pastor Jody